Boundaries

I've been writing a lot lately about pruning, the cutting off from my life those things that are not edifying or productive to whom God has created me to be.

In my twenties I learned a lot about boundaries.  I learned how to discern what was harmful and how to keep it from my life.  I learned the Biblical grounds for self respect and how to communicate assertively.

Now in my forties, I've come to a new conclusion:  I don't want to spend my energy discerning what is harmful and having to weed it out from my life.  I want to spend my energy discerning what is good and only allowing the good in.  It's a much more positive approach and I think would require much less energy.  Conserving energy is a good thing at this age. 

Yes, good things require growing pains at times, but is the process producing positive energy, is it growing our spirits or killing them?

How would our lives be different if we only allowed the good things to have power in our lives, if those were the only things in our lives granted permission to come and to stay.    Then it has earned a place at my table.  I think our world would have so much powerful, good energy, we would see radical change!

Jesus kept the negative energy out of His life, but I think it's maybe because He was so focused on letting the positive in.  That's how I want the second half of my life to be.  Instead of taking the energy to focus on what is bad and weed it out or not allow it in, let's use our energy to focus on what is good and welcome it.  It is much more positive to have to dwell on what is good than to have to focus on what is negative, and I think it takes less energy from us to focus on the good and grant it a dwelling place in our souls than to focus on what is bad and weed it out.

Pruning, pruning, and more pruning

I think I shared previously about a vision that someone had as they were praying over me for healing of my disease.  It was a vision of a paper cutter, God getting rid of the things in my life that weigh me down.

It has been so profound!  I since have seen so many things from my life start to fall away, things just aren't uplifting or don't contribute to who I am in Christ.  I think that God is always pruning away the deadness in our lives, but this has been a year of intense change for me, and I like what He is doing.

The beauty in all of it is that as those things are dropped, I see inside of me how strong I truly am, not because I am some amazing person, but because God has given me the courage to continue to move towards who He has created me to be, to let go of the things that are not truly me, to let go of the things that weigh down my branches or let go of the branches that are not helping my tree produce.

I find through this process a deeper commitment to maintain my identity in Christ, not from what others think, not from having approval.  I find through this process the courage to say, you can either join me or not, but I am moving forward.  I find in this process a stronger commitment to boundaries.  I find in this process the courage to set new goals.  I find in this process a deeper desire for God's holiness, not because I want to see myself as a good person, but because the unholy areas of my life are not helpful, in fact they add pain and keep me from the fullest extent of joy that I could be experiencing.  I find in this process an intense admiration for my dear husband.  I find in this process a deeper desire to  nurture my children.  I find in this process an odd but welcomed sense of peace.

I may lose a lot in this process.  I'm sure there will be those who fight against either the process in my life or the effects that that growth has.  I hope I can maintain the attitude that what I am gaining is of great value and worth shedding the things that do not benefit my soul.

I like being 40.  It is very freeing, and I look forward to what God wants to continue to do in my life, and I hope that as He continues to prune away the dead branches from my life, that my tree produces more oxygen for me, for my family, for my friends, for my community, for my church.

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Pruning off the Rotten Branches

Some days I wonder..."How would life be different if we pruned out of our lives ALL that (as a pattern) tends to take away from our lives"?

If I refused to watch any t.v. that had put my mind on anything negative...No shows where women are sex objects, no violence, no news...

If I got rid of every piece of clutter in my home for which I do not have sentimental value or do not use...

If I ONLY ever opened up to the people I know won't judge me or criticize me...

If I refused to spend time with people who as a pattern judge me or make me feel badly...

If I then filled my mind with more Scripture, more reading of the classics, more positive energy, more of the people who bring out the best in me...

If I pushed away every negative thought and spent twice that time on truthful, positive thoughts.

If I spent more time noticing those in life who want to receive what I've been blessed to give...

If I had the courage to plow forward with my heart's dreams...

How would life be different?

This year for me has been somewhat about pruning.  I've gotten rid of some unhealthy eating habits, set some new boundaries, started exercising instead of watching that favorite show.  I've de-cluttered some, found new depths of emotional intimacy in my marriage, started a new job...

However, there is so much more that could be pruned, and so much more good that could be added.

How would life be different if we were willing to let go of the familiar but unhealthy things in our lives, people or material things, or even ideas that weigh us down.  How would life be different if we had the courage to set new healthy disciplines in our lives, disciplines that go beyond just starting an exercise regimen and moved into the realm of bold, courageous changes that could make permanent changes in our own peace, or brought lasting joy to others?

What do you wish you could prune?  What do you wish you could add?  We don't have control over ALL of the negative forces in our lives, but we probably have a lot more control than we think we do.

I think about the fact that Jesus surrounded himself with 11 people who adored and followed Him every day. 
I think about His attempts to prune out the negative religious traditions that He saw weighing down His culture.  If we really had the courage to whole-heartedly follow His example, how much more power might the Holy Spirit have in our lives?

Chronic health issues and family systems

My ear has bothered me all day. Normally on days like this, I just hide somewhere quiet or tell my kids to be quiet. I feel bad because I feel like I'm pushing them away.

So, tonight, I called a family meeting and did my best to explain to my kids as concretely as possible what my disease means and why it is unpredictable. I emphasized that we need to figure out how to be a family WITH my disease, instead of me hiding from the noise. We agreed that it was my responsibility to communicate when I am having a bad day and what my needs are and to model the voice decibel that I needed. That way we could all still be together. I didn't have to be outcast, and they don't have to feel like I'm pushing them away.

So often I feel like they're just kids, I shouldn't expect them to be quiet, but I guess it's better for them to be quiet and be able to do things as a family than to be loud and have me hide.

We are learning as a family how to handle the chronic health issues and still be a family.

Fasting

Carrie Rocha, from www.pocketyourdollars.com gave an inspirational few minute message on KTIS this morning. She advised to do a one month fast on any areas of overspending.

While we have worked very hard to curb any financial overspending (not that there isn't room for improvement), what struck me was the ares where I overspend my time and energy. How would my life be different if I took a fast from those areas?

Hmm, t.v., computer, even sometimes financial planning. What if I were to lay those things at the feet of the cross and surrender them wholly? What if I were to take a break from them, a fast? Although, I'm not entirely sure how my husband would feel about my taking a break from financial planning :).

For me, this has really been a year of getting more disciplined and more intentional about some healthy choices in my life and then sticking with those choices consistently. That is hard for me, but I do wonder, if I put less energy into the distractions in my life, and focused more on the healthy choices, how would life be different?

Alfred Adler always said, "Life can always be different". That does not mean we can make it what we want it to be, but it does mean that there are natural consequences for the choices we make and we have the power to change those choices.

I always perceived of discipline or routine as the choice to consistently say yes to good things. Perhaps it is also the choice to consistently say no to distractions.

Hope

Well, since the Pastor and elders prayed over me, I forgot to mention that I have gone gluten-free and have since been able to get off of the only prescription I was taking. I still take benadryl for my ears and have the prn's if I need them, but my other health issues are significantly under control without meds! Yay!! Jesus heals.

I am happy to see progress for all the hard work I have put in. I know though that God does not always choose to heal. My heart breaks for friends and family who are suffering chronic debilitating health issues. It is a reminder to me to be thankful for the health I currently have and to lift others up in my prayers.

I refuse to live life in the fear of what if tomorrow brings___________________. I will deal with that if and when tomorrow brings something worse. For now I am thankful my symptoms are controlled.

I'm even finding more energy as I exercise. I wish I would have tried that a long time ago.

So, whether you are completely healthy or very debilitated or anywhere else on the continuum, share with me what you are doing to honor your health. It is not something to be taken for granted, and every baby step we take is significant.

Inspiration

What does it take to inspire us? Everyone is different. For me, recently, it was a neighbor who inspired me to start doing the "Couch Potato to 5 K". This is exactly what I needed, a plan for people like me who have never stayed consistent with exercise.

So, I'm on week 4. It is not easy, but I am working hard and sticking to it. My husband has joined me. Between the accountability of my husband and my neighbor friend I am sticking with it.

This has been a year of committing to God and to myself that I will make my health a priority and take responsibility for it to the best of my ability. I am getting there. I'm rather presently surprised with my progress as I am not by nature a person of discipline. God has put the right people in my path, and when I get antsy for new things in my life, a job, etc, He speaks to my spirit, reminding me that my health is something of great value and worth taking some time to make a priority.

So, what or who inspires you? What or who reminds you that you are worth taking care of and making your health, whether physical or spiritual, a priority? Who are the accountability people in your life for whom you are thankful?

The Benefits of a Good Old-Fashioned Mid-Life Crisis

I'm praying for a miracle tomorrow. Actually, I'm asking our pastor and elders to pray for a healing miracle. I'm still managing fairly well but don't want to lose any more health and would really like this to just go away or go into remission. I'm also praying for the miracle of courage though should God choose to not intervene with my ears.

It hit me again this morning. I have such an internal drive to move forward in life, a drive to go back to work, a drive to go back to school, a drive to define my family differently than my health can currently handle. I know that part of this process, part of this journey is learning to validate all my needs, not some at the expense of others.

I have put off my cognitive needs for so long that they are screaming at me, but I know that I need to honor my physical needs as well. Does it do me any good if God heals my body, only to allow me to push it again beyond what is healthy. My cognitive and physical needs need to be seen as equally valuable.

Desperately praying for a miracle of healing tomorrow but also praying for wisdom to value a balance in learning to meet all of my needs and for courage to accept what comes.

There is something empowering and life-changing about moving towards one's forties! The closer I got, the more I realized how much of myself I was sacrificing to make my children happy. You can sacrifice your wants for someone else, but you really shouldn't sacrifice your needs. That's a balance as well that needed working on. Lots of upcoming changes in the next couple of years I hope... as I choose actions that apply to different values than I've had in the past, values that honor the needs of the family unit as a whole, not just the needs and wants of children, values that honor cognitive and physical needs, not one over the other, values about my body, values about what it means to be a woman and a mother.

I don't want to role model to my daughter that you should pursue your passions until you are a mom and then give them all up. What kind of message is that? My kids, especially my daughter, would much rather see what it means to live life as a fulfilled adult, contributing to society, to my family, to myself, and most of all, to the purposes for which I was created!

I wish I had had that much courage in my thirties. I'm glad I have it now!

So, I continue to pursue health, a career, and role-modeling the importance of living out what I was created to do and to be. Fear needs to move out of the way, b/c this middle-aged mama is plowing ahead (with balance :) ).

To Fear or Not to Fear, That is the Question

Okay, I've spent the last couple days in prayer and have heard what seem to be green lights. (hmm how do hear green? :) )

So, I've decided that I can either fear my disease and not try to pursue the desires of my heart, allowing the disease to have power over my life, or I can get back into life, pursue my passions, and see what doors open.

So here I go. I'm diving in with some resumes.

Anyone want to share? What are the obstacles in your life? What are the passions you want to pursue or are pursuing? What have you done to overcome the obstacles? How have you found balance when there are legitimate obstacles over which to be concerned?


Okay, and my daily check in: Today I did my twenty minutes of exercise, took my vitamins and herbs, stayed away from sweets, spent my time reading and praying last night.

What one thing did you today to honor your body?
What is one thing you would like to start working on to honor your body?
What is one passion in life you are pursuing or considering pursuing?
What is one achievement you accomplished today that you are proud of?

I hope you find my blog encouraging and will share your goals so we can cheer each other on!

I'd better say good night as one of my commitments is to be in bed by 11. Good night all.

Just checking in.

Well, I did my 20 minutes of exercise, took my vitamins and herbs, and stayed away from sugar, despite all the jellybeans, pie, and cookies in the house.

I listened to a friend who was discouraged with work and was reminded that the grass is not always greener. My life may be a little boring at times, but it is not stressful, not that stressful anyways.

I'm also feeling extra thankful for my husband today! I think I married the kindest man on earth.

My body needs to be able to trust me

Okay, corny revelation as I was exercising this afternoon. I remembered last Tuesday how discouraged and angry I was that my ear disease had spread to my good ear. There was a deep sense that I could no longer trust my body to give me the stamina I wanted. I'm not complaining, I have plenty of energy, just wanting even more so I knew I could work a job or add other things to my life and not get sick. Today as I was exercising I realized, here I am not being able to trust my body, yet my body does not trust ME because I have not always made choices that honor my body (junk food, no exercising). I'm not condemning these things, just learning to listen to my body. I'm realizing that perhaps until my body can trust me to make the choices IT needs, it may be unfair to expect my body to give me the stamina I want.

So, today I have exercised for 20 minutes, took my vitamins and herbs, used my skin care products, and pretty much stayed away away from sugar. I am trying to give myself all of 2010 to not make any major life changes and just focus on taking responsibility for my health. On this journey, I know that I am missing out on the cognitive and emotional benefits of working outside of the home. As much as that is a need, I am trying to commit it to prayer to not make that change until I hear from God that it is a good change to make, (another way of honoring my body, even though, I want to make major changes NOW).

Still on my docket for today: my prayer and reading time, and reading to and playing with the kids.

So, share with me:

What is one way you are committing to honoring your body?
What is one thing you have accomplished today that you are proud of?
What is one life goal that you are working on?

Happy Easter

Okay, not my best day for sticking with commitments, but I did stick with my no sweets rule, even when the pie and ice cream came out.

I also refreshed my spirit with our church service and with the fellowship of family. What is it about the shouts of little ones that bring so much joy? Of course, the adults are fun too :)

Hope you enjoyed your holiday and remembered to honor your body, your spirit, and your goals. You are worth it.

Will you choose to be a victim or choose empowerment

At one point in my life, I was so physically debilitated that the only thing in my life I really had control over was my attitude. That is what I chose to focus on. I'm not saying that one should not grieve their losses. I am saying, don't stay stuck there. When we focus on what we can't do, we perceive of ourselves as helpless victims. When we focus on what we do have power over, we will maintain a sense of hope and self worth.

This is day two in my journey of taking responsibility for my health as much as is possible. Today I exercised 20 minutes, refused sweets for breakfast, and took my vitamins and herbs.

I also accomplished something important to me, but something I don't always get done if I don't make a conscious choice about it. I sat and played games with my kids.

These things may sound trite, but I am not a disciplined person by nature. That is my secondary goal for this blog, to hold myself accountable to the values and choices over which I do have power.

So, what are the areas in your life that you have power?
What is one way you have honored your body today?
What is one accomplishment you made today that made you feel proud?

Do not focus on your failures, focus on your successes. Allow yourself to grieve what life may have taken from you, but remember to also focus on the areas where you still have power. For some of us it may be one small change at a time, but that is an okay place to start.

Have a blessed Easter everyone!

Why I am Starting this Blog

I recently turned 40. There are so many things at this age for which I want to take responsibility. My hope is that as I and others post here, it will help other women to take charge of their lives as well and encourage them on their journey. If nothing else, it will hold me accountable because now anyone who wants can read what I am working on.

The number one thing for which I want to take responsibility is my health. Every day I want to do things that honor my body because I am worth having the best health that I can have. I do not want to just let life determine my stamina.

So, today, I honored my body and took responsibility for my health by: taking vitamins, taking herbs to slow down the hormonal aging process, and eating lots of fruit. I have also recently started using products to protect my skin (perimenopause hit hard this past year with acne).

My goals are to start exercising every day, to eliminate sugar from my diet, to continue with vitamins and herbs and skin products, to eat 3 servings of fruits and vegies a day, and to get to bed by 11 p.m.

So share with me, what are you doing to honor your body? What are you doing to take responsibility for your health?

What is one accomplishment you did today that you are proud of.

This is a place where I want women to encourage each other, no shame, just cheers for the positive things you are doing in your life.

Your friend and encourager, Julie