Feeling shunned or ministering to the wrong people

We all have difficult people in our lives:  some who think it's their job to tell us how to live life, some who compete and condescend in order to feel better about themselves, some who completely ignore us when we reach out to them.  You can't help but feel shunned by such incidents.

Many Christians think it is their duty to continue to go out of their way to be nice to people who are cruel/ to take their negative attitudes.  I am starting to develop a different view.  There is a Christianese word for relationships that are one-sided:  ministry.  My rhetorical question is: does God call us to minister to everyone who is unkind to us?  I don't think so.  I think it's important that we come before God and ask Him who we are supposed to  minister to and who we are supposed to set boundaries with.  It is also important that we discern who is seeking the spiritual gifts we have to offer.  Jesus said, "don't throw your pearls to swine".

I've reached the age where I don't want to waste my time on relationships that drag me down.  I want to spend my energy encouraging others and giving joy. 

False Guilt

I think that moms in our culture wrestle with constant false guilt.  Working moms feel guilty for not spending more time with their kids.  Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for not contributing to the family finances and for days where they think they should be more productive at home.

My husband always reminds me that guilt that is truly from God motivates us to do something positive.  Guilt that is false guilt just makes us feel badly and does not motivate us.

I wrestle with my own guilt about not getting more done around the house.  I recently had a huge revelation, thanks to a friend of mine.  She said so succinctly what is true for me, and I just had not been able to articulate.  She said that her top two roles are taking care of her health so that she can give to her family and keeping her family's schedule calm.  My whole life was changed by that statement.  Why?  Because, when I stop and think about it, those are my top two priorities in being a stay-at-home mom.  In fact, it's why I am home.

Now, I am not saying other women should share my and my friend's value.  I've known women who were very successful at working outside of their home and creating a peaceful family atmosphere, and of course, there are moms who have to work outside of the home.  That is not the point.  The point is to live consistently with who you are created to be/ with the values God has put in your heart.

I had been judging myself by my mother's priorities:  "You're a good housewife if you keep the house clean".

What I realized when I was able to articulate what is really important to me (my health and a calm family schedule), is that I am successful at what is important to me.  I need to shed the values that are not truly mine:  others' values of keeping the house super clean.  Now, I am not saying that I have the right roles for someone else.  It is okay to spend time keeping your house extremely organized if that is what gives you peace.  There are some women who would be bored out of their mind keeping their schedule uneventful.  You don't have to be me.  The point is to spend some time figuring out what you genuinely need, not what you think you "should" prioritize, but the needs you genuinely have.  Then give yourself the freedom to focus on those, not on what you think you should be doing.

Life is much easier when we live how we were created to be.  This Easter, as we ponder what Jesus gave so that we might have abundant life, let's shed false guilt and focus on who He created us to be.

Positive Energy

I know that the phrases "positive energy" and "negative energy" have been deemed New Age or even pagan.  Well, as a Christian, I am taking back these terms for Christianity.  The Bible talks about renewing our minds.  I think that in the chaos of life, we can sometimes focus on all the pressure, stress, difficult relationships, etc.  This zaps us of physical, emotional, and spiritual energy.  Why not spend the majority of our time focusing on the positive things in life and thereby creating positive spiritual, physical, and emotional energy.  This is not only good for our bodies and spirits, it also enables us to have more joy to give.

So, I am re-framing or at least re-focusing.

I can choose to focus on the person who said negative things about me this week, or I can choose to focus on the person who this morning helped me remove the trap of false guilt from my day.

I can focus on the time I am not getting with my husband, or I can focus on the fact that he is so giving that he sacrificed sleep to take our child to speech therapy because he knew my health wasn't quite up to par today, even though he has to work 16 hours tonight.

I can see my day-to-day life as boring, or I can remember that I choose calm over go-go-go.  I can remember that I am choosing health over chaos and then plan some fun in my day b/c there is now time for fun.

I can be frustrated that my in-laws are so far away, or I can be thankful they raised such a wonderful son.

I can be hurt and upset by someone who has unfairly judged me, or I can remember how much grace I have been given.

I can wish we had more children, or I can go to the church nursery and love on the babies there.

I can be discouraged that it is snowing again in Minnesota, or I can be thankful for the extra income (my husband took a 2nd job doing snow removal), and I can be thankful that it is the time of year where Jesus conquered death.

I  hope that I create the positive energy in other people's lives that I have been so blessed with by others this week.

Happy Easter, everyone.