False Guilt

I think that moms in our culture wrestle with constant false guilt.  Working moms feel guilty for not spending more time with their kids.  Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for not contributing to the family finances and for days where they think they should be more productive at home.

My husband always reminds me that guilt that is truly from God motivates us to do something positive.  Guilt that is false guilt just makes us feel badly and does not motivate us.

I wrestle with my own guilt about not getting more done around the house.  I recently had a huge revelation, thanks to a friend of mine.  She said so succinctly what is true for me, and I just had not been able to articulate.  She said that her top two roles are taking care of her health so that she can give to her family and keeping her family's schedule calm.  My whole life was changed by that statement.  Why?  Because, when I stop and think about it, those are my top two priorities in being a stay-at-home mom.  In fact, it's why I am home.

Now, I am not saying other women should share my and my friend's value.  I've known women who were very successful at working outside of their home and creating a peaceful family atmosphere, and of course, there are moms who have to work outside of the home.  That is not the point.  The point is to live consistently with who you are created to be/ with the values God has put in your heart.

I had been judging myself by my mother's priorities:  "You're a good housewife if you keep the house clean".

What I realized when I was able to articulate what is really important to me (my health and a calm family schedule), is that I am successful at what is important to me.  I need to shed the values that are not truly mine:  others' values of keeping the house super clean.  Now, I am not saying that I have the right roles for someone else.  It is okay to spend time keeping your house extremely organized if that is what gives you peace.  There are some women who would be bored out of their mind keeping their schedule uneventful.  You don't have to be me.  The point is to spend some time figuring out what you genuinely need, not what you think you "should" prioritize, but the needs you genuinely have.  Then give yourself the freedom to focus on those, not on what you think you should be doing.

Life is much easier when we live how we were created to be.  This Easter, as we ponder what Jesus gave so that we might have abundant life, let's shed false guilt and focus on who He created us to be.